I Don't Want To "Mom" Today
The title alone sounds pretty harsh, huh? The truth is, motherhood isn't always dandelions and daffodils. There are several days where I can conquer the world of motherhood and life. Other days, like today, I feel like this is not what I signed up for! My "mom" button must be broke. Somebody fix this shit.
I want to have days where I accomplish everything I set out for myself to do without 30 interruptions. I can have a million things non-parenting related running through my head at any given moment that I want to tackle but get overwhelmed; then, nothing gets done. Why?
I had to kiss a boo-boo.
Chase a streaking toddler through the house.
Make water sound delicious because my kids already had three cups of juice.
Find the pull up with the right pattern on it for bedtime because that's the only pattern my toddlers will wear.
Stop fights.
Soothe crying toddlers, because they love to have meltdowns in tandem.
Stop the potty training kid from pulling 50 sheets of toilet paper to pat-pat after she peed.
Keep the youngest from eating dog food and wipes.
Keep the dog from eating the youngest's used diapers.
Enforce sharing before I threaten to throw all the toys in the trash.
Keep markers, pens, and all writing utensils out of reach because my toddlers have found their inner "Picasso" on several walls in the house.
This is just a miniature list for the toddlers alone! I haven't even touched on the pre-teen and her sneakiness, attitudes, and sass; that's a different blog for a different day. WOOO SAAAH! (in my Bad Boys voice)
It can be overwhelming to a mom like me who plans out my day and next moves in my head or on paper, but when the chaos of three toddlers and a pre-teen take over, I can't hear myself think. When I can't hear myself think, nothing gets done. I shut down. The kids have won. Mommy lost.
Whether you have one child or multiple, it's essential to reset, reboot, regroup, and be ok acknowledging you need that time. You deserve it. We deserve it. Not wanting to parent my kids for a few minutes or a day (or several days) does not mean I don't love them, want them, or am grateful they chose me to be their mother.
There are so many days I feel incredibly blessed they chose me to be their mother. I absolutely beam at having a front-row seat to seeing them develop, grow, and their bonds strengthen with each other (especially being all girls having a strong sister bond). Those other days though? I don't even want to be in the back of the theater. I'll be in the parking lot in the car to whatever shit show they have conjured up.
So, while I love being a mother, today, I need to be me without interruptions and frustrations. Without meltdowns and clinginess. Without screaming and fights.Without toddlers fighting to sit in my lap or lay on my pregnant belly, causing even more discomfort and frustration.
Sometimes that means I have to let everything fly for the time being and be a maid at the end of the night if it means they are out of my hair and I have time to hear my thoughts.
Pull all the DVDs off the shelves. (I can put those back later)
Dump all the legos and toys out of the bin. (We'll sing the Clean Up song afterward)
Pull all the books off the bookshelves. (That means they like storytime and will soon be reading on their own)
Wear a princess costume to bed that they are crying over. (Whatever girl, just put it on so you can go to sleep happy)
Stay up after midnight on a Friday or Saturday, watching movies and running around so they can wear themselves out. (That means they might not wake up in the middle of the night crying and get in someone else's bed.)
Send them back downstairs to ask their daddy whatever question they are about to ask me because I'm sure he is sitting near whatever it is that they want. (Seriously, why do kids do this??)
As mothers, we tend to talk about the fluffy moments of parenthood and raising kids and post all the cutesy pictures for social media. Still, we don't give these "leave me the hell alone" days enough attention or acknowledgment. If you're ever feeling that way, don't feel guilty or inadequate. We are not bad parents for wanting or needing time to regroup and reset. You are definitely not alone in your feelings if today is not your day. I'm sitting right beside you and hundreds more who can relate.
I won't dwell in my feelings forever. That wouldn't be good for anybody! I can call out how I feel, sit in those feelings, but not live in them. These days come and go, especially with my tribe of four kids and growing. It's literally never a dull moment in motherhood! But I would do a disservice to myself if I weren't honest, real, and transparent in acknowledging "I Don't Want To 'Mom' Today."